In Community and In Resistance

"Being strong doesn’t mean hiding your pain. It doesn’t mean forgoing help when you’re struggling. It..."

queergiftedblack — Fri, 17 May 2013 02:28:50 -0400

“Being strong doesn’t mean hiding your pain. It doesn’t mean forgoing help when you’re struggling. It doesn’t mean denying yourself things that feel good for the sake of practicing self-control. It doesn’t mean refusing to show sadness and vulnerability. And it doesn’t mean carrying the burdens of life all by yourself. Anything that prevents your healing and stifles your growth does not correspond with strength. Being strong means refusing to tolerate people and things that wound your soul. It means practicing self-care when you’re hurting. It means honoring your feelings by actually allowing yourself to feel and express them. It means treating yourself with compassion and kindness, even when you feel like you don’t deserve any. It means doing what makes you happy and being with people who make you feel good, regardless of outside judgements. It means asking for help when the weight of the world has become too much. It means giving yourself permission to get your needs met by setting boundaries and using your voice. It means forgiving yourself on the days that you’re struggling and can’t be brave. It means challenging the voice telling you that you’re inadequate and worthless and reminding yourself, repeatedly, that you are enough.”

- Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)

projectunbreakable: The poster reads: “Tes parents son parties...

afrafemme — Sun, 12 May 2013 18:36:41 -0400

projectunbreakable:

The poster reads:

“Tes parents son parties dînner, ne tinquiète pas je m’occuperai de toi”

“Your parents went to dinner, but don’t worry I’ll take care of you”

—
Photographed in Paris, France on November 25th.

—

Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)

Facebook, Twitter, submissions, FAQ, donate to Project Unbreakable, join our mailing list

"What kind of world do we live in when young men are so proud of violating unconscious girls that..."

afrafemme — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:24:25 -0400

“

What kind of world do we live in when young men are so proud of violating unconscious girls that they pass proof around to their friends? It’s the same kind of world in which being labeled a slut comes with such torturous social repercussions that suicide is preferable to enduring them. As a woman named Sara Erdmann so aptly tweeted to me, “I will never understand why it is more shameful to be raped than to be a rapist.”

And yet it is: so much so that young men seem to think there’s nothing wrong with—and maybe something hilarious about—sharing pictures of themselves raping young women. And why not? Their friends will defend them, as they did in Steubenville, tweeting that the young woman was “asking for it” and that the boys were being unfairly targeted.

Women and girls are the ones expected to carry the shame of the sexual crimes perpetrated against them. And that shame is a tremendous load to bear, because once you’re labeled a slut, empathy and compassion go out the window. The word is more than a slur—it’s a designation.

”

- “In Rape Tragedies, the Shame Is Ours,” my latest at The Nation (via jessicavalenti)

queennubian: TW:rape theeafter-party: April is Sexual Assault...

afrafemme — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:12:35 -0400

queennubian:

TW:rape

theeafter-party:

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month!!!

Thus far, my sorors and I have been working hard to spread the word, from our “Teal Tuesdays” (teal is the official color for the commemorative month), to sharing statistics and facts with the student body, to our whiteboard campaign. It was great to see my peers willingly join in and express themselves, as we worked to raise awareness about SAAM. :)

This is just a few of the MANY photos we have taken, posted, and shared…and from what I’ve been informed, our movement has been picked up by the Deltas and our sorors at Bethune-Cookman University, as well.

Service…gotta love it!

"Women are socialized to make men feel good. We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not..."

afrafemme — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:12:29 -0400

“Women are socialized to make men feel good. We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not socialized to say a clear and direct “no.” We’re socialized to speak in hints and boost egos and let people save face. People who don’t respect the social contract (rapists, predators, assholes, pickup artists) are good at taking advantage of this. “No” is something we have to learn. “No” is something we have to earn. In fact, I’d argue that the ability to just say “no” to something, without further comment, apology, explanation, guilt, or thinking about it is one of the great rites of passage in growing up, and when you start saying it and saying it regularly the world often pushes back. And calls you names.”

- The art of “no.” « CaptainAwkward.com (via professorpinka)

Auto-reblog always

(via foulmouthedliberty)

"[TW: rape] You need to understand what rape does to you: it destroys your protection, the line..."

afrafemme — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 16:24:36 -0400

“[TW: rape]
You need to understand what rape does to you: it destroys your protection, the line between ‘you’ and other people, the silhouette that distinguishes within from without.”

- Savage Rabbit, What Men Aren’t Taught About Rape (via seebster)

the-bubblegumbitch: Shout out to the survivors who don’t like calling themselves survivors,...

afrafemme — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 20:48:24 -0400

the-bubblegumbitch:

Shout out to the survivors who don’t like calling themselves survivors, survivors who aren’t seen as survivors by society, and people who don’t ID as survivors for whatever reasons. Your emotions and experiences are still valid and don’t let any tell you otherwise.

Photo

queergiftedblack — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 23:10:16 -0400

karnythia: I remain amazed that the same dudes who turn out to shame black girls and women fro...

afrafemme — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 14:12:37 -0400

karnythia:

I remain amazed that the same dudes who turn out to shame black girls and women fro trying to own their bodies on any level are completely silent about sexual assault and harassment of black women by black men. Over 60% of black American women are sexually abused before 18, but no one’s rushing to stop that. No, the biggest issue in the lives of these fucks is whether or not little girls shake their booties to the music at a party. And they wonder why black women grow up to be so “bitter” and distrustful of black men. We learn early and often that we can’t trust anyone who doesn’t show and prove repeatedly, but hey why let facts intrude when you can abuse little black girls & absolve grown ass men?

mylifeasafeminista: daily reminder that there are so many good things about you

afrafemme — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 18:36:39 -0400

mylifeasafeminista:

daily reminder that there are so many good things about you

harmreduction: HIPS After Dark: Engaging Sex Work Communities...

afrafemme — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 16:24:50 -0400

harmreduction:

HIPS After Dark: Engaging Sex Work Communities Through Overnight Mobile Outreach

HIPS assists female, male, and transgender people engaging in sex work and drug use in Washington, DC to lead healthy lives through a harm reduction model.

How would you use the $1,000 to turn your idea into a reality? We will train current and former sex-workers and drug users as peer educators to conduct our mobile outreach activities. Tangible barriers, like time constraints and money, prevent community members from having the resources to volunteer during our overnight initiatives.

Please vote for HIPS in the GOODMaker Challenge!!

"1. Teach young men about legal consent: Legal consent is number one for a reason. Without it, sexual..."

queergiftedblack — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 02:18:30 -0400

“

1. Teach young men about legal consent: Legal consent is number one for a reason. Without it, sexual contact with someone is rape whether you intended to rape or not. A woman who is drunk, unconscious, sleeping cannot give legal consent. And it’s not about a woman simply saying “no,” it’s really about making certain she’s saying yes.

2. Teach young men to see women’s humanity, instead of seeing them as sexual objects there for male pleasure: There is a reason why women are shamed into silence and teenage boys in Steubenville, Ohio are caught on camera laughing about gang raping an unconscious girl at a party. The dehumanization of women spans all areas of American life.

3. Teach young men how to express healthy masculinity: The question that’s being asked about what women can do to prevent violence against them is the wrong question. It’s not what can a woman say or do that can prevent being attacked. We need to turn that paradigm.

4. Teach young men to believe women who come forward and not to blame the victim: The vast majority of women do not report their rapes to the police and many more only tell one or two people in confidence.

5. Teach young men about bystander intervention: Both Men Stopping Violence and Men Can Stop Rape have bystander intervention workshops for men of all ages. “It’s about community accountability,” says Pandit, “We require men to talk to other men in their lives and tell them about these programs. It is important that we have community networks that hold men accountable.”

”

- Zerlina Maxwell Offers 5 Ways We Can Teach Men Not to Rape

(via jayaprada)

what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder

queergiftedblack — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:54:26 -0400

blankslate:

1.
no one ever congratulates you
for doing the really difficult things
like driving on the freeway or getting out of bed or
staying alive

2.
every friendship you make is a countdown
to the moment
when they finally can’t deal
with the missed calls and canceled hangouts
every friendship is on a timer
every friendship expires sooner,
not later

3.
you hear phrases like “bootstraps”
over and over
until you wish you had some to hang
yourself with

4.
you have to learn to simultaneously
relax your muscles
and move them with determination
you have to be in control
and you have to let go
at the same time
it’s enough to drive you into
a blubbering mess

5.
music is a conduit
crying is a conduit
your dad calling is a conduit
everything becomes a conduit
for either having or not having another panic attack

6.
you learn to stop making plans
because you’ll either disappoint yourself
or someone you care about or both

7.
you accept all of it

8.
you hope someday everyone else can
accept it too

"TW“[Society thinks] rape is not something a man chooses to do to someone; it‘s a natural phenomenon,..."

afrafemme — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:12:31 -0400

“TW“[Society thinks] rape is not something a man chooses to do to someone; it‘s a natural phenomenon, like the rain or wind; sensible people will take umbrellas out with them and those who don‘t, will get rained on. Rape is presented as something women can avoid, like the rain, but those who don‘t, are a special breed of women apart from all others; something about them meant that nature picked them out to be raped; it wasn‘t something about the rapist that caused them to be raped, it was something about them.””

- This woman is AMAZING. http://herbsandhags.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/youre-not-like-rape-victim.html (via ellielamothe)

"A long time ago, when you were a wee thing, you learned something, some way to cope, something that,..."

afrafemme — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:48:30 -0500

“A long time ago, when you were a wee thing, you learned something, some way to cope, something that, if you did it, would help you survive. It wasn’t the healthiest thing, it wasn’t gonna get you free, but it was gonna keep you alive. You learned it, at five or six, and it worked, it *did* help you survive. You carried it with you all your life, used it whenever you needed it. It got you out—out of your assbackwards town, away from an abuser, out of range of your mother’s un-love. Or whatever. It worked for you. You’re still here now partly because of this thing that you learned. The thing is, though, at some point you stopped needing it. At some point, you got far enough away, surrounded yourself with people who love you. You survived. And because you survived, you now had a shot at more than just staying alive. You had a shot now at getting free. But that thing that you learned when you were five was not then and is not now designed to help you be free. It is designed only to help you survive. And, in fact, it keeps you from being free. You need to figure out what this thing is and work your ass off to un-learn it. Because the things we learn to do to survive at all costs are not the things that will help us get FREE. Getting free is a whole different journey altogether.”

- Mia McKenzie, creator of Black Girl Dangerous, author of The Summer We Got Free (via etiquette-etc)

i think i gasped a little when i read this because it’s almost word-for-word my therapist’s explanation of why i learned to be anxious as a child (“if your dad might blow up at any minute then your anxiety protects you”) and why it’s not helping me now (“he’s not here anymore”).

(via dorightwoman)

Photo

afrafemme — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 18:36:29 -0500

"Stand naked in front of a mirror for a long time, under unflattering light if possible. Trace the..."

queergiftedblack — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 23:48:07 -0500

“

Stand naked in front of a mirror for a long time, under unflattering light if possible. Trace the rises and falls of the little ripples on your skin — the scars, the dimples, the cellulite — and think about how much you try to hide these things in your day-to-day. Wonder why you hate them so much, and if this hate stems from somewhere within yourself, or as a result of being told all your life that it’s wrong to have physical flaws. Wonder what you would think of your body if you never looked at a magazine, if you never thought about celebrities and models, if you never had to wonder where someone would rate you on a scale of 10. Look at yourself until the initial recoil softens, and you can consider your features in a more forgiving frame of mind.

Listen to the music which makes you want to both sob and dance with uninhibited joy, and allow yourself to repeat any song you want as many times as your heart desires. Think of the person you are when you have your favorite song in your headphones and are walking down a street you feel you own completely, swaying your hips and smiling for no good reason — remember how many things you love about yourself during those moments, how much you are willing to forgive in yourself, how confident you are for no good reason. Try to think of confidence as a gift you give yourself when you need it, instead of something you have to siphon from every unreliable source in your life. Dance because the music makes you remember how much you love yourself, not because it allows you to forget the fact that you don’t.

Write a list of all the things you like about yourself, even if you think it’s a self-indulgent and narcissistic activity. Start as early as you like in your life — put down that time you won a trophy playing little league soccer when you were eight and then got an extra-large shake at the DQ on the way home, and don’t feel silly for remembering it. Try to understand how many sources in your life happiness can come from, how many things you could be proud of if you chose to. Ask yourself why you so tightly limit the things you take pride in, why you set your own hurdles for happiness and fulfillment so much higher than you do with anyone else in your life. Let your list go on for pages and pages if you want it to.

Touch and care for yourself with the attention and the patience that you would someone you loved more than life itself. Rub lotion in small circles on your elbows and hands when it is cold and your skin is dry and cracked. Make soup for yourself when your nose is running and curl up, with your favorite movie, in a pile of expertly-stacked pillows. Light a few candles and let their glow flicker against your body. Admire how gentle they are, how delicately their warmth touches you — wonder why you don’t let yourself do the same. Soak your feet in warm water at the end of a long day, until they have forgiven you for walking on them for so long without so much as a “thank you.” Listen to your body when it aches to be touched, and don’t be afraid to give it every orgasm that you may have been too ashamed to ask for in someone else’s bed.

Be patient with yourself, and don’t worry if a switch doesn’t flip in you which abruptly takes you from “crippling self-doubt” to “uncompromising self-love.” Allow yourself all the trepidation and clumsy, uneven infatuation that you would with a promising stranger. Try only to be kinder, to be softer, and to remember all of the things within you which are worth loving. Listen to the voice in the back of your head which tells you, as much out of sadness as anger, “You are ugly. You are stupid. You are boring.” Give it the fleeting moment of attention it so craves, and then remind it, “Even if that were true, I’d still be worth loving.”

”

- Chelsea Fagan, How To Fall In Love With Yourself (via sullenheart)

Not all of these strategies will work for all bodies or abilities, but here is a non comprehensive list of some ideas to engender self-love.

I hate to ask, but I really need your help right now -- Please re-blog as text since my url is hidden due to this very situation!!!

petitsirena — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 22:05:02 -0500

queer-as-femme:

MY E-MAIL IS ANGELICA@KRZYSIO.NET. YOU CAN DONATE TO ME VIA THE “SEND MONEY” OPTION IN YOUR PAYPAL ACCOUNT BY ENTERING MY E-MAIL ADDRESS.

Hi, dear, wonderful followers. Here is the situation : I’ve just been officially cut off and disowned by my parents. The situation is they found my blog and deduced for themselves from it that I’m a drug addict (they actually think I’m dependent on weed and will overdose on it and die because they’re that fucking ignorant) who does pornography and is promiscuous and “confused”. I’ve already hidden the blog and told them it’s deleted, but they are insisting I need to check into rehab and submit to random drug testing on their behalf, as well as get any of my purchases with my own money pre-approved by them because they “help me out”. This sort of thing has happened countless times before, where they threatened disown me over body piercings, tried to have me committed for my anxiety, and berated me emotionally (and still do) for not trying to prosecute my rapist.

They are intensely conservative Christians, and they’ve been threatening continuously for weeks to cut me off — I’m on their health insurance, car insurance, cell phone plan, and they help me out financially. I give them money for these things the majority of the time because it’s much cheaper to be on their plans/accounts than to have one of my own.

Being severed from all these things at once (as well as being emotionally cut off) is pretty devastating to me all around. I don’t know how I’ll cover my rent as well as all these new expenses in addition to buying food, gas, and paying my electricity and internet bills. I only have about $200 saved up and I’m mostly terrified of being penalized by my landlord for not paying rent this month (he is constantly threatening to kick tenants out over different things or charge if rent is late).

I am so overwhelmed I am turning to my tumblr family to help me. If you can give even a few dollars, or re-blog AS A TEXT POST (since I have to keep my blog hidden and links get cut off) and signal boost, it would really help me. Not only with covering all these new bills I have to deal with and creating a life totally financially separate from my parents, but knowing I have support outside of my queer-hating, ignorant family honestly will give me the strength to keep existing, because I am constantly feeling I just want to give up, that no one loves me and I am totally alone.

again : MY E-MAIL IS ANGELICA@KRZYSIO.NET. YOU CAN DONATE TO ME VIA THE “SEND MONEY” OPTION IN YOUR PAYPAL ACCOUNT BY ENTERING MY E-MAIL ADDRESS.

I appreciate you all in every way, and will personally thank anyone for donating. I can send you mp3’s of my youtube videos or send you photos or promote your tumblr, anything — just let me know. I know it’s not much, but I want to reiterate how grateful I am for all of you, and the love and support you give me in all forms.

Thank you. <33

genderedintelligence: ‘Domestic Violence: A resource for trans...

afrafemme — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:48:30 -0500

genderedintelligence:

‘Domestic Violence: A resource for trans people’ was produced in 2009 by The Greater London Domestic Violence project, in collaboration with the LGBT Domestic Abuse Forum and NHS Barking & Dagenham.

The resource has been written primarily to assist trans people who experience domestic abuse. There is information as well as links to UK resources.

To view the full booklet, click here.

"‎When you heal yourself, you heal your ancestors too."

afrafemme — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 16:24:21 -0500

“‎When you heal yourself, you heal your ancestors too.”

- unknown (via miguu)