My Friend Is Being Abused: What Do I Do?

wocrecovery:

bebinn:

If you think your friend is being abused by their partner, but they haven’t said so themselves, there are still some things you can do.

From Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That? (free PDF):

  • Tell them that you don’t like the way they are being treated and that you don’t think they deserve it
  • Tell them you love them and that you think they are a good person
  • Ask them to read this book, or one of the books listed in the back
  • Ask them if they would be willing to make plans with you for ways to respond to specific situations. For example, if they’d agree to call you next time their partner started to yell at them. Offer to pay for a night in a hotel the next time their partner gets scary. Ask them if they can stay with you for a bit and clear their head. Brainstorm other ideas with them.
  • If you ever think they’re in immediate danger, call the police.
  • Call and write often, even if they never seem to respond (unless they ask you not to, which may indicate their partner is punishing them for communicating with others).
  • Treat them consistently well. They’ll feel the difference between what you do and what their partner does.
  • Encourage them to call a program for abused partners, “just to talk.” They can find support, reality checks, and room to vent and describe what’s happening to them.

According to the same book, if you know that they are being abused because they’ve talked to you about it, you need to be the opposite of the abuser. You need to:

-support all the decisions they make, even ones you don’t like or don’t think you wouldn’t do (like not breaking up with their partner)
- give them resources like the above book BUT remember that they know their situation best, don’t act like you or anyone else knows better than they do
- don’t talk down to them or act like you would never be in this situation
- if they have kids, assume that they are a competent parent
- don’t pressure them, just make suggestions. Do the opposite (not just say the opposite) of what the abuser does and they will notice the difference

(via dynastylnoire)

jamoca5:

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y

jamoca5:

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SELF-LOVE

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(via blueklectic)

afrafemme:

i did my thesis on how Black women as survivors of trauma lack community 

lacking a supportive community when trying to heal from sexual trauma can be a bigger injury than the trauma itself

at first, i thought i had a semblance of separation from my thesis work

now i realize i basically wrote my life

no community. i had two friends, but mostly myself that pulled me through the constant feelings of despair, suicidal ideations, ugliness, worthlessness, etc.

in a perfect world, we’d all be communal beings, dependent on each other, safe, loved, cared for, with the resources necessary & some extra so we can be comfy

but I’m so independent, even inconsiderate & careless to other people cuz I’m the only reason i have survived for so long

basically what i mean to say & what i did say in my thesis

is that dominant victim blaming narratives around sexual trauma & Black women being hypersexual, unrapeable, deserving of love, healthy sex/relationships, etc. those things intersect, those mean something & they make it hardER for BW to find community, be validated, be believed, etc.

when you have to obsess over who you’re gonna tell that you were raped cuz you’re afraid of their response, thats lacking resources, thats lacking community cuz you’re afraid that you won’t get the response you need/deserve/should get

when y’all (white feminists) erase the colonial history of rape & position rape as ONLY from 1 person to another, you make it hard for BW to find community 

‎When you heal yourself, you heal your ancestors too.

unknown (via miguu)

(Source: michelesingsit, via communityandresistance)

Memorializing Trauma: Memory and Sexual Violence in the Blac

afrafemme:

I REALLY WANT TO SHARE MY RESEARCH WITH ALL OF YOU. ESPECIALLY ALL THE BLACK WOMEN WHO FOLLOW ME WHO ARE SURVIVORS OF TRUAMA. MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS HAS BEEN FOCUSED ON US AS A COMMUNITY & I OWE SO MUCH OF MY DEGREE TO US/YALL.

IN ORDER TO GRADUATE I HAD TO DO A ORAL DEFENSE, WHICH IS BASICALLY A 15 MINUTE ORAL PRESENTATION ON MY THESIS RESEARCH.

MY TOPIC WAS: TRAUMA & RESISTANCE: SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN THE BLACK FEMINIST LITERARY CANON.

I BASICALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW RESISTANCE TO TRAUMA IS DIFFERENT FOR BLACK WOMEN BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A DIFFERENT SOCIAL STATUS IN THE WORLD.

HERE IS THE LINK TO MY PREZI PRESENTATION IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED.

& I SHOULD HAVE A VIDEO RECORDING & TRANSCRIPT OF MY PRESENTATION IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED.

Games for anxiety

strugglingtobeheard:

curiousgeorgiana:

In therapy this morning, my doc and I were talking about coping techniques, since I’ve been having higher levels of anxiety and more PTSD episodes recently.

When I’m in that pre-anxiety stage—you know that part where you can feel the panic…

(via radicalheart82)

Hello there. The following is an incomplete list of Domestic Violence shelters for Queer and Trans* People of Color in all 50 United States. This list will also contain reading resources with tools for addressing abuse and domestic violence in queer communities.

March of Tigers - QPoC Domestic Violence Resources and Literature

Signal boosting this project that March of Tigers is leading. I won’t reblog the whole list because (luckily) it’s huge but do click through the link and check it out. Also, support March of Tigers by either further helping spread awareness of this resource or by contributing with further data.

(via redlightpolitics)

(via thebigblackwolfe)

skwagger:

a-better-m-e:

My therapist told me instead of hurting myself I should draw something pretty were I want to cut. This is the result. And it works, honestly. If you’re struggling with self harm I really recommend this. (Make sure you use a marker and not a pen cause pens can hurt you! )

So much respect. 

(via itsluluniggah)

Anonymous said: do you know of any radical healing resources on eating disorders?

im not aware of any. sorry. 

maybe followers can help?

or you can ask one of the admins directly. maybe petitsirena or wretchedoftheearth.

:)

babygirlintheshadows:

4293milesaway:

boredandmoist:

longwinter:

Nest - Robot Hugs

I know a few people on here I would do this for.

It’s so sweet that there’s no way for me to not reblog this.

I love this

(via likestepsonthemoon)